Staying busy, staying positive

There are few things as satisfying as adding to, tiding up, and organizing ones planner. My Google Calendar is by far the most exciting part of my day thus far in my journey as an Admissions Counselor.

I relish the moments when I am included in an important meeting; making it necessary to add an appointment to my calendar. I have color coded each part: Office, Personal, TV… without their own specific color they would be sure to get lost amongst themselves.

I am looking forward to traveling. I am being sent to various high schools around the state to preach the word of Art-School. I can hardly wait to go to the beginners seminar this coming week, where I will float amongst fellow counselors, finally learning the ins-and-outs I need. Once on the road I look forward to checking out local antique shops and café’s, odd bookstores in search of Ray Bradbury books for my boyfriend. Maybe I will be so lucky as to find a Shelly China cup and saucer set in the lily of the valley pattern for my mother for her birthday.

I will be sure to take loads of photos, I can hardly wait to document each trip, minus photos of long stretches of flat land. Most albums can do without those. I just might have to visit the local Dairy Queen in each town I visit… and then perhaps the local gym.

One thing that I have been craving but have had little time and energy to do is make jewelry. I wear my jewelry to work every day, and I love the feeling when someone notices a piece. I have work to do for two people, and If I could just sit down for a couple of hours after work and crank it out, I would be so happy.

Right now I am working on a two-tone bracelet with black jet flat faceted beads. The bracelet is made up of ½ inch and 1inch hand-fused, hammered and tumbled fine silver hoops, which alternate with gold hammered 1inch hoops that I took from a piece of jewelry. The rest of the components, such as the toggle clasp are gold filled, and inside each hoop I have harnessed the flat, round jet black bead. It is a one of a kind custom piece, and I will be sad to part with it when I ship it this week.

The other pieces I am working on right now are a pair of hand-fused, hammered, and tumbled to a high shine, fine silver teardrop shaped earrings. They feature various shades of peacock feathers which I have placed in crimps and attached to the inside of the teardrop, giving the earrings the look of a whole peacock feather. The girl who these are for used peacock feathers in her wedding and wanted a set of jewelry to wear in remembrance of the big day. I will also be making a matching necklace with (hopefully) interchangeable feathers.

There are a handful of things that give me a feeling of being whole; completing a piece of jewelry or posting an item of etsy.com ( http://www.arsenalofbuttons.etsy.com ), completing tasks at work, walking up and down the stairs where I work (which happens to be my college), sitting on the couch with a bottle of water after a good workout, positive discussions with my boyfriend, and spending time with my mother.

If I can do any number of those things each week, I think I’m in good shape.

Yesterday was a good day. It was just what I needed. A happy day at work, followed by a productive and meaningful get together with my boyfriend. We have both been so busy with new things in our lives, I think we were starting to scare each other with the anxious sides of ourselves. It can be scary when trauma hits, or there is just a great big life changing event, and all of a sudden you see a new side of someone you love, and are not sure if you are quite comfortable with that.
But, after yesterday, I am feeling better- much better. I'm feeling optimistic, creative, loved.

Work is wonderful, although since I am new, I have to try to keep myself busy for 9 hours doing not nearly as much as I'd like to be. I can't wait until I reach a point where I get to give tours of the campus, review portfolios, and I'd even love to do a little more data entry. I have thoroughly enjoyed researching dozens of other art colleges, diving into each website, scouring the mass of information until my eyes are sufficienly exhausted.

I even enjoy waking up at 5:45, taking a piping hot shower, making lunch, picking out a piece of my handmade jewelry to wear that day, and listening to music I love in the car. I love getting to my desk, listening to the local commercial-free radio station, and doing whatever I am asked to do. The busier the better. Today I mastered the postage machine, the copier behaved, and I am a pro at printing addresses directly onto a large envelope. The best part of my day was signing a letter to a student with my name, my information. When they call the school to get a tour, they will ask for me.

I. Cant. Wait.

Thankfully, I still have time in the evenings and on the weekends to rest, make jewelry, cook, watch a favorite television show, movie, whatever Id like. Maybe even get a workout in. I couldn't be happier, this feels right. I am so grateful.

I'm feeling a lot better now. it's 2am, and I just got home from watching my boyfriend play in his band. When He joined this band, I did too in a way. All the boys in the band are attached to a wife or a girlfriend, so I have been fortunate enough to make some new friends. 

It has been a treat having a nice handful of people to spend time with on the weekends, grilling, watching movies, talking. It makes me feel more complete. One of the girls just got married in April, and wore a tiara covered in seed pearls. She asked me if I could make her some jewelry with the pearls so she could wear her wedding pearls on a daily basis. One of my favorite things to do is custom jewelry, so I did a number of drawings for her, we talked and I came up with a necklace, earrings, and a bracelet for her, all using her pearls. 

Tonight before the concert, me and this girl got together for dinner and I gave her the jewelry. It felt so good to give her something that I knew she would love and would mean so much. The hardest part was figuring out what to charge, since she is a friend, and a new one at that. I chose a number, and she generously ended up paying me more. It was just fun going out to eat with a girlfriend. I just have a couple close girlfriends, so it feels great to go out and enjoy dinner with a new friend. 

I'm glad I was able to wind down and relax, This week is going to be very exciting and scary since I am starting a new job, and I just hope I am prepared and do well. 

How it needs to be.

That feeling where everything is up in the air, and there is one or two things that are so nerve-wracking that they make everything else make less sense, that feeling makes me so ill. 

I need for the following week to go well, so I can be well, inside and out. mind body soul, I need everything to work in harmony. This week I just need for things to work out smoothly. 

I have a loving family, a boyfriend who adores me, an apartment where I make food, take naps, and take hot showers. I have a job that will hopefully fill that void, the hole you have when you don't feel like the work you do is making a difference. I have my health. I would just like my brain to simmer down.

I have spent the past 6 weeks cranking out as much work as I can, and it has been one of the most challenging 6 weeks I have had in a couple of years. I made a whistle necklace, and I feel like wearing it when I am having "one-of-those-days", where you just want to sound the alarm for help, blow the whistle and the angels will come and whisk you off to safety. 

This week I just need for everyone to be gentle, to hug me gently, and not squeeze. I just need to be handled with care.

Creative process

...I lay in bed ignoring that the half-hours are melting by, and I know I should peel my body out of bed and make things. I attempt to focus hard on my bowl of cereal so as to not continue to hunt and nibble on various things in my kitchen. I reluctantly attach myself to the elliptical machine I bought for myself so I would never have to go to the gym ever again, a machine that I will be paying off for another 4 years of my life. After I hop dizzily off the machine, and come to the dazzling realization that I have completed my 30-minute torture session for the day, I take a boiling hot shower, where I finally begin to feel like myself, and I am finally ready for my day.

My "studio" is 1.5 miles from my apartment. I have a large solid kitchen table from the 1950's that I so proudly attached all four legs to with an electric screw driver. I have my trusty little butane torch, goggles that I only put on if my family pokes there head in see if I am being safe, and I have enough beads to open my own store. My studio began as a little TV table in my living room. I have a one bedroom apartment, a small one. If you are a crafter, you know that even the largest space can become small in just a matter of time, with enough trips to the bead store, scrapbook store, hell- any store. My studio quickly migrated from my little TV table, to my entire kitchen table, forcing me and my boyfriend to eat our dinners quietly sitting on the floor in the living room. When I finally decided to take back my apartment and turn it into a real livable space again, I decided to move my workspace to a place where you can (usually) always go back to: home. Mom and dads. My old bedroom. My mother covered the room in a black and white toile pattern, but it still feels like my old room.

So, I see my parents just about every day. And I enjoy seeing them, so I go frequently, which means completing projects rather than ignoring them because you resent the fact that they have taken over your home. Now they take over my former bedroom.

I am about to start my very first full time job, salary, 401K, all that wonderful stuff that makes me feel like a grown up. I have this horrible fear that my new job will take over and I will have no time to make things, the things that make me feel fulfilled, healthy, full, whole. The things that keep me from raiding the kitchen when I'm not hungry. The things that help me sleep at night and get up in the morning. Tell me that I will not throw away my passion and become a 7-4pm drone who forgets to work out, eat right, and make the art she was put on this earth to create.

In a perfect world I would get up at 5:30 am, workout for 30 minutes, shower and look fabulous by 7am, and be at work by 7:30. I would have a fulfilling and productive day at work, I would come home by 5pm, and make a nutritious dinner, maybe even enough to share with my dear boyfriend. I would then go to my studio and make jewelry until 8 or 9pm, be in bed by 9:30 or 10pm, and do it all again the following morning.

Well, we will just have to see what happens, I have great faith in myself, but I also know that I love to sleep in, pass out after work and eat out of containers standing up before going to bed far too late for my own good.

I'm going to stay positive.